Jerry Seinfeld

I don't want to be too critical of what other people do, but when people go back to do the same thing that they did, I'm completely confused. I'm like, 'Didn't you make that movie already?' I've been very fortunate, and I'm well taken care of, so the least I can do is try to go forward.

There's different kinds of laughs. It's like a baseball lineup: this guy's your power hitter, this guy gets on base, this guy works out walks. If everybody does their job, we're gonna win.

When I was a comic in the 1980s, I was on the road somewhere every day, and I'd get back to the hotel, and it was Carson and Letterman, and I looked forward to that all day.

You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.

Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.

A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh, what the joke was. Because they match.

I like money, but it's never been about the money.

We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment.

Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think.

Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me.

A lot of advertising has gotten worse. I think it's kind of lost its nerve, to be honest with you. I feel like the advertising of the '60s, they were nervier. You know why? Because there was less at stake.

I think of myself more as a sportsman than I do an artist.