Josh Billings

I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.

Remember the poor, it costs nothing.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.

Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.