Josh Billings

Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.

Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety.

Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.

The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.

A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.