Marcus Brigstocke

I have a very good memory for scripts. I can watch a show I like once, then remember about 90% of the script. But ask me who was in it, and I wouldn't have a clue.

Political correctness is as exploitable as any other progressive ideal, but its aim is to stifle the incessant noise of those who flap their careless lips without a thought about those they might offend and why that might be important.

The basic function of a comic is stand-up because it's so straightforward and simple. If the audience don't laugh, you didn't do your job. I've had some audiences where I didn't care if they laughed or not because they were either too drunk or stupid.

I'd rather be happy than right.

Britain is obsessed with political correctness.

I became hugely overweight and then hated myself because it was a form of self-abuse, something over which I had no control. I think the thing compulsive over-eaters want to achieve is that stuffed-full Christmas afternoon feeling.

I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.

I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.

The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones.

I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness.

I don't mind not being cool; I wear a cardigan.

Guilt is feeling bad about what you have done; shame is feeling bad about who you are - all it is, is muddling up things you have done with who you are.