Robert Byrne

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.

A game is great, in my view, only if it can be played happily by a sane person of at least average intelligence for several hours a day for fifty years. Both pool and billiards qualify.

To apply spin with security, you must learn to make a snug bridge with your forefinger looped over the cue. When you hit the cueball, follow straight through; don't let your cue rise in the air after impact.

If you know a good player who is tempted by pool hustling, introduce him at once to a career guidance counselor, a psychotherapist, or a surgeon who does lobotomies.

Petty thievery is a more profitable job than pool hustling, which it resembles, requires far less talent and training, and is equally devoid of promise.

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.

Memorial Service: Farewell party for someone who already left.

There is money to be made giving trick-shot shows at schools, clubs, tournaments, and even shopping centers. Pool shows on television almost always include a few fancy shots.

A promising young man should go into politics so that he can go on promising for the rest of his life.

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.

Winter is nature's way of saying, 'Up yours.'