Timothy Simons

David Letterman was my guy growing up. My parents recorded the tenth anniversary special for me, and I watched it 40 times.

Reed Scott is really good at coming up with insults.

After school, I was planning to jump from regional theater to regional theater.

My first job in L.A. was actually playing an employee in a Best Buy commercial, but I played a bad employee at another store. I also worked at a commercial casting company running cameras and session directing.

I've done a pretty good job of curating a Twitter feed that doesn't make me hate the world.

It's much harder to get a job if nobody wants you around.

I think the absolute worst job I ever had - not because it was a terrible job, just because I was just so bad at it - was when I worked at a scenic factory in Chicago.

When I was in Chicago, I was working as a carpenter while I was doing plays. I thought it'd be a fun set construction job, but it turned up to just be a straight-up factory.

If you didn't watch 'The Shield,' you should stop everything you are doing and go back and watch 'The Shield.'

I was born tall. I was awkward and gangly. Before that, I was a really chubby elementary school kid. I've always been sort of a physical abnormality.

I think I was a behavior problem, mostly, but in a fun way. I tried to tell jokes. I was the middle kid, so I was always looking for attention and trying to be the one that equalized everything.

The truth is, there is no link between vaccines and autism. Vaccines are incredibly important.