Bob Mortimer

Our new programmes have always just been different vehicles for the same sort of comedy.

It's like cooks don't watch cooking programmes - I suppose maybe comedians don't watch comedy shows.

The wife and the kids provide my exercise, but I have to be careful because I have rheumatoid arthritis all over my body.

We can write idiots quite well.

After my triple bypass I got my sheet of healthy and unhealthy foods and I was like, croissants!?! Literally as bad as lard.

I hardly do any exercise because of my arthritis and my joints.

At one point I was putting 17 sugars in my tea. I know it's unbelievable and I do wonder sometimes what my mum was thinking to allow it. The weirdest thing was that if I had 18 teaspoons it was too sweet.

We're not scientific comedians, thinking like, 'Things have moved on, we need to do this, we need to reflect the world in this way.'

When they told me I had to have a heart operation, my main memory is standing in my kitchen and thinking what I would really miss was my little tea towel. Not for one minute did I think, 'Oh, I'm going to really miss performing.' The things you're going to miss are your wife, your egg cup, your seat that you sit in to watch TV.

I wouldn't wish it on people but there is a positive side to a near-death experience. People used to ask me do you fancy doing this or that - and it was like I had a file of reasons in my head for not doing things. I would riffle through it until I found one. But I've dropped that.

I had three bypasses in one go, using arteries harvested from my leg and the right side of my chest.

The more cynical commentators on our careers would say that the northern accent has been the basis of our success. There's a certain authenticity to the voice - which isn't to my credit; I was just born there.