Bob Newhart

The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place.

I didn't know I was cool, but I was very flattered that some of the younger comedy writers came up to talk to me at the Emmys. I found that gratifying.

I think there's a little confusion between humor and 'gross' passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable, because they aren't the same thing.

There are some actresses that can't do comedy; it's too heavy-handed.

Funny is funny is funny.

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable.

No matter what hyenas sound like, they are not actually laughing.

I don't want to sound like the old guy, but cynicism is a potential danger. It colors our way of looking at the world.

I certainly don't delude myself that there aren't certainly more important things to do in life than make people laugh, but I can't imagine anything that would bring me more joy.

More and more, as I get older, people come up to me and say, 'Thank you for all the laughter.' And my standard answer is, 'It was my pleasure.' But that's the truth.

I just made the decision that I was going to try comedy, and if didn't work, then I knew it didn't work. Then I would go back and do whatever. But at least I wouldn't torture myself the rest of my life, wondering whatever would have happened.

If 'The New York Times' says it, it must be true.