Charles Saatchi

Some people in the art world bemoan the hedge fund millionaires spending freely to acquire ostentatious displays of wealth and coolth for their giddily chic designer duplexes. Others bemoan art being treated as a commodity. But most of the bemoaning is because the art world is stuffed full of bemoaners, bemoaning about everything.

I have asked to have no funeral, and no memorial service. I hate other people's and would certainly not appreciate my own.

I have never cared enough about money to worry about spending it, and have been fortunate to make enough to be spoiled rotten.

I have spent too long being able to manipulate the answers I want from market research to rely upon its findings any more than I do weather forecasts.

I find the theatre faintly embarrassing for the actors performing on stage. It seems rather showy-off in an undignified way.

Artistic credentials are au courant in the important business of being seen as cultured, elegant and, of course, stupendously rich.

I may not be much good at most things, but if I didn't have the pleasure of planning and installing shows, and doing it better than anyone else, I would have stopped buying art many years ago.

My aim in life isn't so much the pursuit of happiness as the happiness of pursuit.

I spoil my children rotten and hope to leave them enough so they can do the same to theirs.

It's obvious nonsense, but it makes nice people feel good about themselves to do their bit for the planet. It's vanity of a grotesque kind to believe that mankind, and our 'carbon footprint', has more impact on the future of Earth than Nature, which bends our planet to its will, as it sees fit.

If, like me, you have many reasons to be less than secure and self-assured, and like me, you are far from stable even on your best days, don't for a moment imagine a psychotherapist will be of more help than a physiotherapist.

I don't know very many people in the art world, only socialise with the few I like, and have little time to gnaw my nails with anxiety about any criticism I hear about.