Dave Barry

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.