David Spade

It's hard to have a career.

My career is just kind of crazy.

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.

I have no detectable hair style.

I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.

No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

To be famous and broke is hard.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.

I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.