Erma Bombeck

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.