Fran Lebowitz

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.