No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Each couple's version of intimacy is so fascinating to me. A friend will tell me about her marriage, and I'll think, 'Yikes, they have horrible communication! They're going to get divorced!' And then I'll hear about them at another time and think, 'Wow, they love each other so much!'

I really like being married. I love my husband.

I can't believe how blessed I am! I'm married to the most wonderful man, Gene Raymond, whom I'm deeply in love with, and, my career is right where I want it to be. I can live like this forever!

I was just coming out of prison, I was married, and I had a kid, and I didn't know what to do, so I tried stand-up.