I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them.

I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn't see that as a job description anywhere.

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

I lived in Germany from when I was 6 until I was 10, so, of course, I played soccer. When I came back to the States, nobody played soccer, and none of the schools taught German, so I couldn't continue to excel in those categories.

Live comedy is fantastic. It's when live comedy is transcribed and reported and critiqued outside of the venue without context that things become complicated.

I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

It's never nice looking over your shoulder and needing other results but sometimes that happens in football. It's a lot better to know your future is in your own hands.

Sometimes, humor is the only way we get through the day.