I'm not looking for 'outer esteem' anymore, what they call 'other esteem.' I'm looking for self-esteem. And people think that self-esteem is built with accomplishments. And, 'Hey, look what I did in my life.'

The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun.

I keep getting asked out by really young, good looking boys and really ugly lesbians. So, even if I wanted to jump onto the tuna boat, I wouldn't because I'm not getting high-class babes that I should get at this level of my career. And I always know the ugly ones are serious and that the good-looking ones are goofing on me.

I'm not ready to die yet. I have, like, 40 years left that I have to make up for all of the trouble I caused in my first 50 years.

I have a hard time with awards shows in general because I've never been part of the conversation. I just show up to work and do my job because I love the job and I love the people I get to make TV with. When someone wants to applaud it more than just watching it, that makes me somewhat uncomfortable.

I waited a long time to have children because I had this career that was kind of like my kid, it required as much nurturing.

I made career decisions that came from the part of me who wanted to shun the limelight.

If I have to return to Brazil, I'd like to play at Corinthians again. It represents a lot, I was born and raised there, my footballing career began there when I was nine, I've spent my entire childhood there.