James Thurber

Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead.

You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.

Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness.

The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

The animals that depend on instinct have an inherent knowledge of the laws of economics and of how to apply them; Man, with his powers of reason, has reduced economics to the level of a farce which is at once funnier and more tragic than Tobacco Road.

The sanity of the average banquet speaker lasts about two and a half months; at the end of that time he begins to mutter to himself, and calls out in his sleep.

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.