You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

If the media isn't slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

I came to Vegas because I wanted to, not because I thought it could help my career. I didn't even know they had comedy clubs here.

If we went by the world's definition of who I'm supposed to be because I look weird... 'Well, surely, this guy can't have a productive life, surely, he doesn't have a sense of humor. Surely, he can't love life.' We stereotype people in this world. And so... if the world thinks you're not good enough, it's a lie, you know. Get a second opinion.

The king of comedy is dead. Richard Pryor was the king of comedy. The rest of them are the king of copycats.

Romantic comedy has come to mean a couple of moderately talented actors placed in implausible situations obliged to go through a set of paces that are all too familiar, the end result being neither romantic nor comedic.