Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really kind of optimistic, and I look forward to a new day. I pick up 'The New York Times,' and I look at the front page and realize that once again I'm wrong. I start to fixate on stuff.

Everybody's always asking me about my blood pressure. They did an interview once where they hooked me up to a blood pressure machine and they'd rile me. I'd yell and scream, and then it would just go back to normal in a few minutes. Everything else is probably rotting, but the blood pressure is spectacular.

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.

The whole Valentine's thing is fine, but you don't back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable.

I like to watch and perform the kind of comedy that comes out of the situation - where the character is really serious and in a tough situation and doesn't realize that the situation is comic.

I love going to the movie theatre, seeing live comedy, and going to amusement parks.

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.

Stand-Up Planet' was Anthony Bourdain-meets-stand-up comedy.