My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was a child I asked my mother what homosexuality was about and she said - and this was 100 years ago in Germany and she was very open-minded - 'It's like hair color. It's nothing. Some people are blond and some people have dark hair. It's not a subject.' This was a very healthy attitude.

You can never get two members of the family to agree on anything.

Of course a woman who decides to work full time as a mother in the home can be happy and deserves full respect from us. Motherhood is one of the most challenging and creative jobs anyone can do. The goal is to remake the world so that our choices are not so stark.

My family had to flee Iran... the revolution, and we were very, very lucky to come to America and have opportunities presented to us. And that's... one of the things that makes America great.